a haps week

it has to be said that my NS life is far from predictable, despite surface appearances that would point to the contrary. events descended upon the hapless me this week and i'm catching my breath from all these swift churn-and-turn of affairs.

on mon, chris told me that it's theroetically likely that some of us would be posted out from S1 branch. i think i acknowledged the possibility but didn't take his statement too seriously, for why would things suddenly change? then, when i returned from dinner, i learnt from kelvin that chief clerk, my DyS1 and him have apparently been discussing this matter and that my name was on the chopping block when/if circumstances necessitated a shift from theory to fruition.

kelvin advised that now that i have this prompt information, i should try to work things out in my favor so that i would manage to stay on. i shrugged good-naturedly, albeit grudingly, for i don't see how i can convince people of my perceived capabilities, when it's glaringly obvious that i still havent gotten an appointment, despite having enlisted for one-and-a-half-months.

on tues, two downgraded personnel from Bronco arrived at the branch and were designated as understudys for various appointments. S1 branch was already bursting at the seams with my arrival and it seemed inevitable that i would have to leave, since i was a liability. so spent the morning feeling moody and anxious for my future, akin to how a despondent employee would feel when he is awaiting news of whether he would be retrenched. of course, i flatter myself in comparing my predicament to that of the employee who is coping with livelihood and accountability issues. but i thought i could see the similarities there.

anyway, in the afternoon, when Chief clerk gathered us around to detail our roles and responsibilities (a massive and impressive turnout by the way, since our branch now has 15 clerks!!), i was kinda relieved to hear that i would be remaining in the branch after all, at least for the time being.

i'm now in charge of Injury Reports, which was part of the job scope of the Welfare clerk (kelvin). i appreciate Chief's efforts in trying to keep me around but at the same time, i'm a bit embarrassed at how he had to proportion me kelvin's work and bestow me a glamorous, empty title Project clerk.

on wed night, i heard from chris that my S1 sir might not be able to roll over and either one of us would have to extend our wallaby stay for two weeks to be his replacement. S1 asked us to decide via "scissors, paper, stone".

the burden in my chest relaxed, only when chris and i got to march into his office and speak our minds. initially, chris was quite reluctant for he couldn't see the point but i had come to the point whereby i didn't care less whether my S1 sir would act on my feedback. "it's for my emotional well-being", i declared.

i felt quite good/excited about my assertiveness actually until i saw that chris became noticably crestfallen after we came out from the office. he kept saying that it wasn't my fault but i couldn't help feeling bad about how i was vocal during the "confrontation" and perhaps neglected his need to relate his opinions.

sometimes, we need to get away from all this negativity and heal our emotions.

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the best and worst thing about NS is that you aren't binded by conventional reality, so in a weird sense, you exercise more control over the time you do have left.