when in doubt about your thesis, take the plunge and just write. even if the process is bloody painful and it takes you 2 hours to add a freaking 100 more words to ur my-god-will-i-reach-there word count

dear Madalena,

went to Ann's house and it turned out that Ann's (deaf) mum is still around and living in the same house. Upon some reckless probing, Ann's (hearing) granny said that Ann's parents have some marital problems and are trying to work things out

hence, i decided not to work with Ann and her family anymore because there are many variables beyond my control

1) Ann's dad didn't inform his wife about my study. While Ann's mum was cooperative after i explained the objectives of my study, sometimes the signing between the parents seemed a little aggressive for my liking as they tried to settle on details of their educational background. i hope my thesis won't become a source for conflict between them

2) Ann was really shy and required a lot of prompting from her granny before she would do the Neale test. Ann's granny later commented how her reserved side may be due to her worrying over her parents' future together

3) Ann's mother is trained to voice although her voice isn't very clear. hence, Ann doesn't face total lack of linguistic input from her parents

4) Ann has remarkable extended-family support. her granny told me that everyone (uncles, aunties, grandparents) have been doing their bit to compensate for the lack of input from her parents.

hmmm, i know you won't require such a lengthy justification for my actions...:) i just thought i would tell you because such experiences come once-in-a-lifetime and i wanna share with people...

thanks and regards,
Kaile

p/s: just something personal to share...this thesis has made me experience some emotional highs and lows that i never thought i would feel in my life. i was so distraught after the session that i called up June because i badly needed to talk. usually, i have remarkable self control one...:)

eventful day but no time to write

--suffered my first anxiety attack
--been sms-ing johnny (my hearing-impaired father informant) and he didn't seem to understand what i was requesting from him
--i thought ah, if johnny doesnt sms back, i'm screwed. no need to graduate
--at one stage, my mind totally went blank. scary

--breakthrough

--went down to SADeaf. turned out that johnny went down specially to pick me up so that i could go to his house to interview his wife and son
--guilty man. what kind of fucked-up person am i, not to put in 100% for my thesis, to treat things so shabbily and take on basic jap and YEP thailand
--johnny is so nice to me, despite having met me for the second time. i dont deserve it
--i liked the motorbike ride tho'. made mi gian to learn motobike

--reached house
--i am the odd one out, except for johnny's hearing children
--hearing-impaired gathering. they gambling in front of the children! but who am i to judge?

--found out lots of things man....like S'pore School for the Deaf taught Chinese Sign Lang before and no, that isn't equivalent to Shanghainese Sign
--spent loads of time talking to the mother Cassandra, who was very very nice
--sometimes Cassandra didnt understand me, so this hearing-impaired person acted as my interpreter. fancy that!

--Cassandra asked me to tutor her son in Eng
--i agreed, tho' i know i am biting more than i can chew liaoz. but i wanna reciprocrate in return.
--and quality time isnt the way to go about this. i need to spend lots and lots and lots of time with the family so that i can do them credit in my thesis
--except that i prob cant give 100%. looks like my guilt trip will last till march

--i think it's meant to be that i write this thesis. i don't know why. maybe becos so many pple are helping out with my thesis one way or another that i feel this strong sense of predestination. and thank God for these people's presence