did some unusual stuff last week, so i thought i should jot them down

wed--for one of my EL modules, we are supposed to participate actively in an online discussion forum. so, i finally prodded myself out of my inertia and wandered around and crapped in a few threads. Then, this gal Lynda actually quoted pretty extensively from one of my posts and used my words (with due acknowledgment) to illustrate her point better. This made me feel warm and happy because geez, i must be making some sense after all if she deemed my words as (so) constructive!

ya, ego maniac! but hey, it's my blog

fri--met up with howard (group leader from my Vietnam proj) at Arts canteen and yakked for several hours. i exercised terrific self-control because i didn't ask him about his BGR matters at all. which was atypical behaviour from me since i'm such a kaypoh, heee. well, he said he's looking into the possibility of learning how to cook laksa from some famous stall-holders so that he can set up his own stalls in the future. Maybe even have his soon-to-be-retired (?) parents to look after his business so that they can idle away their time

which is all very impressive to me because see, i never care to plan too much ahead (though in defence, i must say i have a legitimate reason to do so. I have NS liability :P) more importantly, howard has dreams and plans for his future and he's consciously working his way towards them. how many of us can claim likewise?

suddenly, i looked across at this potential first class honours student and active ex-NUSSU member and was quite in awe at how i got to know such a talented person in the first place.

ya, i have quite a high opinion of howard btw *grins*

sat--finally, after declining toast's offer for the longest time, i went down to Metta Cattery (in Pasir Ris) to help with the painting of the grills so that the whole place would look more cheery and inviting (is that the rationale, Fang?) i discovered i am quite a dog person after all--because there are soooo many cats and only 2 dogs (Magic and Mango) there and i found myself attached to the dogs, SNAP, just like that

which is kinda weird because it's not like i have access to dogs (and other animals) often. so how did i develop such a preference, without me being able to justify it?

hmmmm.....

anyway, hope to get more involved in Metta Cattery in the future. i have been wanting to volunteer at SPCA for like the longest time but predictably, this have come to naught. sigh sigh. (i think it's in my nature to procrastinate. i can't change this habit even if i want to. Slacker and Kaile, they go too well together)

ya, me trying to cultivate an identity as an animal lover

watched The Magdalene Sisters just now, which made me feel better about living my life. it's about how women were banished by their families to Magdalene Asylums and how they were mistreated and humilitated by the nuns in charge.

it's the 1st International Film Fest movie that made me feel like my view-scope has been broadened (okay, not that i'm an avid movie-goer in the 1st place:P). Some scenes struck me as interesting, particularly the one where the director did a close-up of the eye of one of the main leads and in which the viewer can see the reflection of the domineering nun in the eye. Pretty cool shot huh?

plus, traces of blood around the eyebrow and eye-lashes, which made it really uncomfortable for me to watch. hell, just so you know, i have a weird thing about eyes and i was fidgeting rather badly then (all that blood!), certainly more so than if i were watching a horror movie.

i also dig the part where the news about the rape of another main lead got transmitted among the family members in the midst of Irish band music (the setting was a wedding). The loud cheery music drowned out the conversation and we could only see the facial expressions of the cast. Now, as i'm typing this, i'm thinking that this technique may have already been done to death and i'm making a fuss out of nothing but when i watched the scene just now, i thought it was really neat. the director scored lots of points with me on that one:P

Since this is a fact-based expose of the Magdalene Asylums, it's a wonder how this movie ever got filmed in the first place, especially when you think in terms of the S'pore context. 15, our local film, just employed real street-gang names to add authenticity and look what happened to it. (sigh sigh)

so lest you accuse me of gloating, i guess i shall explain why i feel so good after watching it? apart from the obvious fact that it reminds me of how trivial my worries are (the last Asylum closed down in 1996!), i feel great because i did something unique today, something that i can take away with me after this day's gone, something of more lasting value for my ever-fuzzy memory

we all want to live a colourfully-lived existance but how does one exactly go about doing that?

can i make a new year's resolution to do one new thing daily, like Ross in Friends?

how do i add more stuff on my to-do list so that this semester doesn't speed past just like that? and what new stuff can i try out anyway? i dreaded reading my readings on Sunday and pretty much wasted the day on re-reading the Harry Potter series. Now, if i really wanna take a break from studying, you would have thought i would go and read something else new, right? but see, i don't even think i have the mood/energy that will sustain me through an entirely new book. i'll probably give up half-way because i'm too pent up about my readings

or am i just asking for too much here? one must simply endure the mundane days so that he will cherish the memorable ones. life isn't like the stork who drops you with awe-inspiring experiences every day

well, like what Jack from Titanic said, To Make Each Day Count...shall continue to gambatte yo!

in the vast space of ocean,
i saw a jellyfish float,
at the whim of tides and nature

am i not its kindred spirit,
wandering aimlessly,
impassive and unfeeling,
conditioned to the
day-to-day grind of living,
never knowing, let alone reaching,
my destination?

perhaps i should go out there
and accomplish stuff
instead of whining childishly
within this musing

yet, the waters around me seem formidable
how can i not drown
before reaching the promised land?
i'm a terrible swimmer, besides

perhaps i'm too reluctant to
relinquish my hold on normalcy
supplying ample justification
for my chickening-out

so i continue to float along
like the jellyfish,
perhaps dying to unleash some stings
so that some cheer may be added

why, Kaile, why?

because i like these Qs

1. If you could get the same pay for any job, would you change your profession?

i will like to complete my teaching bond first. but after my bond, if such an opportunity comes by, probably yup. it will be a dream come true if i can secure a job that allows me to travel. in fact, i willsettle for a lower pay if i happen to be passionate about the job that requires me to travel. purely fantasizing, photojournalist--better still if Zoe Tay accompanies me on my travel exploits!, manager with S'pore International Foundation--gets to work with diverse communities on the ground level

2. You have a sudden, brilliant brainstorm at work. If you tell your boss, you'll get a big promotion. Or you could quit and pursue the idea yourself, setting up what should be a nicely profitable company. Which would you? And would you be driven in the decision by risk, difficulty, loyalty, or what?

i'll stick to the promotion. cos i would be too lazy to set up my own business. And anyway, i would probably screw myself if i try to do so since i dont think i'm broad-minded enough

3. Of all the movie characters you've ever seen, which one do you think was most like you? And is that a good thing?

the medic in Saving Private Ryan. hmm, can't exactly remember the movie but think the medic wasn't strong enough to withstand the harsh realities he was trapped in. so he was visibly shaken and appealing to his mum and all. i do remember that while everyone else was heaping praises on the sniper (darn cool fellow sia!), my sympathies were with the medic because i related strongly to him. i even wondered if i would turn out to be like him if i were to go to war. (oh well, you ask yourselves these Qs because you have to enlist for NS a month after taking your "A")

Tues at 1am

--just finished my Semantics and Pragmatics Theory assignment earlier.
--the last time i wrote a paper was for HRM (that's like an academic year ago?!)
--my first assignment as a hard-core Arts student!
--labour of love
--wasted two nights on it
--slaved and agonised over each and every line, darn it
--should feel good about myself regardless of the grade i would get
--suffered from Writer's Block
--sat at the screen for ages, not knowing what to type
--resorted to typing a sentence over and over again, in the naive hope that this would help me gain momentum and i would carry on from there, crapping furiously
--nay, didn't work
--but no matter, at last completed liao
--hesitated before hitting the Print button
--felt the things i wrote were just a mere repetition of the stuff covered in class and offered no additional insights
--what the heck?!
--felt reckless
--printed out, writing this, will now get some sleep

well, i have heard this song before but hearing it on President's Star Charity last night, albeit with edited lyrics, seems to help put an extra spin to it and make it more like a song that would date this era for me


Where Is The Love

What’s wrong with the world, mama
People livin’ like they ain’t got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that’ll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin’
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you’re bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that’s exactly how a n**** works and operates
N**, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y’all, y’all

People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain’t the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don’t belong
Nations droppin’ bombs
Chemical gasses fillin’ lungs of little ones
With the ongoin’ sufferin’ as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin’ really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin’ wrong
In this world that we livin’ in people keep on givin’ in
Makin’ wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin’ each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin’ on but the reason’s undercover
The truth is kept secret, it’s swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where’s the love, y’all, come on (I don’t know)
Where’s the truth, y’all, come on (I don’t know)
Where’s the love, y’all

People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m gettin’ older, y’all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin’
Selfishness got us followin’ our own direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids act like what they see in the cinema
Yo’, whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feelin’ under
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feelin’ down
There’s no wonder why sometimes I’m feelin’ under
Gotta keep my faith alive til love is found

People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

--i'm a Survivor freak. the first episode airs next week and besides eagerly anticipating its debut (read: i think about the show every day), i'm already thinking about how to revolve my (imagined) social calendar around the show. meaning, no more going out on fri nights. yet, in an unprecedented move, i asked to transfer my sign lang class from this Sun to next Fri. so i will actually miss most of the debut, darn it! this is exactly how highly i think of the instructor's teaching for the fri class

--watched Turn Left, Turn Right FOC! a show that i like and that i hope other people will like as well. you know, critically acclaimed, high ratings splash, widespread social commentary yadda yadda. hence, the slight disappointment when i read the not-so-flattering reviews in 8 days, I-weekly and Straits Times. though i can understand where the reviewers are coming from now that i read the critiques. anyway, it may not be a good thing to be knowledgeable in movies after all since you can't derive simplistic pleasure from watching a movie anymore. you can't help but think about the larger issues contained within it and obsess about genre analysis

it's nice to watch a movie before the rest of S'pore though. since i'm a trend-conformist. THANKS Fang!

--Ee Wun, my sign lang instructor agreed to meet me at 7.45am every Wed, thurs and fri so that we can take bus 74 together and help me with my signing. i will have to wake up one hour earlier every thurs and fri from now on (sigh sigh) but it's something i'm very thrilled to be doing at the same time. thing is, i don't know whether i'm genuinely interested in Ee Wun as a friend and as an individual or whether i'm just making use of her so that i can improve my signing. and i guess i will never know. but if Ee Wun were hearing, i surely won't bother to initate such a gesture, right? so am i at fault?

but going to school is no longer a drag liao! and i think that's cool--that i actually look forward to the loooong bus rides...

--i may have an affinity in business. i loved HRM (yes, not too pai say to admit that) and i love my marketing module now

--Sept 11. healing thoughts to the Americans

"Do you have a target, i mean, as in girlfriend?"

funny how an innocent question drastically changed the course of the conversation

becos i am bored during lecture

how i will describe myself on a SURVIVOR web page

Born in Toa Payoh and raised in Ang Mo Kio, Heng Kaile (or Ah le to some) still lives in AMK, somewhere "very near Anderson Sec Sch". Despite friends lauding him as "a very nice guy", he has always been very single. He seems to be perpetually employed as a student. He holds a Bachelor of Science degree from the National University of Singapore and is currently working towards a Bachelor of Arts (Hons) from the same university. His favorite hobbies include travelling, impulsive-shopping to add to his collection of tees/caps/accessories and gossip-mongering. He describes himself as fun-loving, truth-seeking and blur. He's most proud of his name and of his self-deprecating sense of humour. He is also proud of the fact that he is trying to pick up sign lang and Japanese, stuff that he has always wanted to do since young. His favorite sport is cross-country running. He feels he's ready for Survivor: Pearl Islands because of his wacky sense of humour, tolerance & patience, good interpersonal skills and lastly, ability to package himself as an unassuming character and hence fly under the radar. His primary motive is to participate in a show that he's a die-hard fan of. His seconary motive is to find out if he has the mental, physical and emotional strength to withstand the harsh conditions in SURVIVOR. His birth date is August 30, 1980

SURVIVOR 7's coming back on 19th Sept. Woohooo!!!